When we last left our heroine, she was getting ready to have a second ultrasound. That was in May.
I've been meaning to write about the current lack of events in the conception department for a while now but just couldn't quite pull my thoughts together. The ultrasound in May looked promising but then my body delivered a 62 day cycle. Progesterone did nothing but short circuit my cycles. No one I've seen seems to be able to agree on whether or not I actually have PCOS. My NP left the practice suddenly, making me glad that I'd actually had my last annual with the female OB in the office. She has picked up where things left off.
At the end of May, my OB started me on Metformin. Metformin is a diabetes drug that is used off-label in PCOS-like patients to break the insulin resistance that is often preventing ovulation. Metformin has some fun side effects like nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting (until your body gets used to it). Technically, I've been really lucky. I've only had the first of those three. But, damn, do I *hate* nausea. The insert that came with my pills also mentioned appetite suppression. I did not expect that to mean "total obliteration of any semblance of normal hunger signals". I had some pretty ugly hypoglycemic episodes when I first got up to the theraputic dose (1500mg). It freaked me out enough that I called the doctor and dropped it back to 1000mg for almost a month. I'm finally back up to the full dose and making sure that I eat regularly whether I feel hungry or not.
I would have probably chucked the pills a while ago if I hadn't seen some promising results. I've dropped about 8lbs since I started the Metformin in May (without much in the way of exercise -- nausea just isn't much of a motivator to get me to the gym) and just finished off a 35 day cycle. And now that I know that nausea is my new and unimproved hunger signal, I make sure to eat if I start to feel uneasy in the tummy and that will head it off. I see my OB again in a couple weeks. Not sure what we're gonna talk about then other than how things are going with the Metformin.
Being around babies recently has definitely got me jonesin' for my own little bundle of poop. It has erased any lingering question of whether or not I really want to be a mom. I most definitely do -- I can feel it in my bones. Even after hearing Trishimi's wail over the phone when she was in the midst of labor! I'm still torn over when to call it quits and adopt. Definitely not yet. I think my personal comfort zone for trying to conceive goes up to age 35 (I've got just under another 4.5 years before that comes into play). It also doesn't include any invasive medical procedures. If the current track doesn't do the job, I'm heading for a local MD who is also trained in acupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine. She's been recommended to me by a couple people independently.
While I have good days and bad days dealing with being less than fertile, I think one of the things that keeps me going is my ability to live vicariously through others. Like spending time with Trishimi and Jayden. The lovely (though infrequent) visits with my nephews. The monthly newsletter written by the infamous Dooce to her beautiful little Leta. There are too many things to list... Some times they leave a melancholy aftertaste but most days they keep me going with the hope that one day we'll finally make it to the ranks of the sleepless & breastfeeding.
