blackmoondog

My last post was the lament about going off dairy to see if it made a difference in Zoe's fuss/gas levels. I managed to make it 6 days before cracking and at first thought it wasn't going to be a problem. Hoo boy, was I wrong. It must have taken a few days to build back up in her system because I started eating dairy on Tuesday (01/23) and by Thursday her fussiness was on the rise and by Saturday it was back to the point where she spent the day eating, sleeping, or screaming. On Sunday (01/28) I gave up dairy indefinitely.

I think I'm handling it better this time because I *know* it is a problem and because we've stocked up on dairy-free foods. We bought some Nucoa margarine for baking (yay, banana bread!), rice milk for cereal (still a bit sweet for my taste but more tolerable than almond milk), and goat cheese and yogurt. Cheese is still difficult though. I decided to try the "Soy-sation" cheese from TJ's and found out it has cow's milk bits (caesin) in it!!! What is the freakin' point in soy cheese if it has milk in it?!? Yesterday I did have real pancakes because a) it had been a full week since I'd consumed anything with milk and b) I wanted to see if I could get by having just a little milk once in a while without affecting Zoe. Results are inconclusive.

Now that she isn't spending so much time with gas pains, Zoe is settling into a vague routine. She'll usually sleep for a couple of 4 hour chunks after her night feedings and I can actually take her to bed. She still won't sleep without fuss unless she's on her side right next to me. Papa still has one session of sleeping with her on his chest on the couch (it's a recliner) with a variable amount of crying (she doesn't want to leave the breast but often I have to hand her off due to soreness). In the morning she is starting to have an active period where she wants to flail around and play. I can actually lay her in the pack & play and grab some breakfast before she fusses to be picked up. The rest of the day is mostly a nurse-nap cycle with the customary evening "happy hour" fuss.

We're still struggling with screaming in the carseat but I have found a couple of things that help. If she is zonked out when she is put in the seat she will often just stay asleep, sometimes for hours. I also was able to quiet her by letting her suck on my pinkie finger yesterday. That doesn't help for me driving alone but will for family trips. Alas, it looks like our first trip isn't gonna happen because Mark is being sent to South Carolina for a week for work the week prior. My mom is coming over to help me take care of Zoe while he's gone.

Hmmm... Other things... Zoe has probably doubled her weight in 8 weeks. I expect she weighs 9lbs by now as she was 8.5lbs last Monday... Her eyebrows have come in and her hairline is filling in from back to front... She may keep the blue eyes, as her pupils are now circled by some gray, much like mine... She's smiled a few times that weren't in her sleep and we've seen Papa's dimples show up a few times... We're not taking nearly enough pictures.

Now that I'm caring for a newborn all day, I relish the weekends when Mark will be home to take turns holding & tending to Zoe so I can do other things. Even better are the weekends that include visits from grandparents, who want to do nothing but hold the baby. :)

This weekend my dad visited on Saturday. He and I took Zoe to farmer's market then went to lunch and ran some errands while Mark took a nice long nap. After she was fed, he and Mark watched Zoe while I went to the hardware store for water softener salt then after her next feeding we all went out to dinner.

Sunday was a really good day even though I think I overdid things a bit. First, we walked to our favorite neighborhood breakfast place with Zoe in the Bjorn. Mark had to take a work call near the end and it lasted for the walk home and after so he just kept the sleeping baby on his person. I took the opportunity to ride my bike for the first time in 8 months and got the dogs some exercise. I did some other random things around the house before Zoe woke up for her next feeding. I finally started feeling like myself again. After dinner I started a gauge swatch for a pair of socks while we watched either Iron Chef or Farscape, I can't recall which.

My brother and his girlfriend also came by, as they decided to spend a couple nights at the infamous Madonna Inn for her birthday. We visited at the house for a bit then kinda invited ourselves to lunch with them in Pismo. We went to Mo's and they headed down the street for chowder but re-joined us because the place was closed. I found that my sunshade is very handy for hiding the fact that I'm putting nursing pads into my bra. I had forgotten and started leaking as soon as we ordered our food. Thankfully, I had some in the diaper bag in the car. After lunch we said our goodbyes and Zoe, Mark and I walked down the pier for Zoe's frist visit to the ocean. It was kinda uneventful since she was sound asleep but at least I got a picture!

I have lots to post but have been putting it off until I can get this blog moved over to our system-wide installation of MovableType. I think I have the new blog configured to my liking and all my content (except this post) has been moved. I'm now just waiting on Mark to get me access to the LJ crossposting plug-in. Since he's down with the flu right now, I'm not sure when that will happen. In the meantime, I'll probably start drafting posts to be published later. Or maybe I'll just post them here and export the new ones...

I have been misplacing things lately. And they aren't stupid little things either. I have searched high and low yet cannot find a) my debit card, b) my iPod cable, or c) my Palm cable.

I expect my debit card will resurface any moment, as I called the bank to replace it this morning. I'm confident it wasn't stolen by humans as there haven't been any charges on it since I stopped by Trader Joe's Valentine's night. BTW, this is what you may be given when stopping by Trader Joe's on Valentine's night half an hour before closing:

I suspect the cables are off somewhere having some kind of illicit affair, as they were both on a tray table together when I last saw them. Despite my best efforts and much wracking of The Brain, I cannot find them in the house. They may have decided to r-u-n-n-o-f-t and elope in some locale where their love is not forbidden. I am especially distraught at the disappearance of the iPod cable, as I just put together a bunch of smart playlists I wanted to load onto the 'Pod for listening in the car either to try to calm Zoe's screaming or drown it out long enough to reach our destination.

... is really just an excuse to gratuitously show off some really cute pictures of Zoe. :)

Things new with Zoe in the past 10 days:

- lots of beautiful baby smiles
- most nights in the co-sleeper instead of our bed
- making eye contact & checking out surroundings
- responding to our voices ("Mama loves you" gets a wide gleeful grin :)
- head is lifted more often than not
- weighs in at about 12lbs (!!!)
- screaming & grunting giving way to coos & gurgles
- sleeping in longer increments (4-5 hours)

I'm finally starting to feel close to my baby girl, at least as close as I expected to feel when she was born. From what I've read it is pretty common for it to take more time to really bond with your baby after a traumatic birth (and sometimes even after a normal birth). It was my biggest disappointment and a constant source of fear & frustration. I'm glad to be finally letting it go so that I can enjoy her babyhood and not let it be overshadowed by shattered expectations. The smiles help a lot. I'm starting to believe that the mythical things-get-better-at-3-months is actually going to be reality for us.