blackmoondog

Today we saw one of the local perinatologists (docs who specialize in high-risk pregnancies, maternal & fetal testing, and fetal therapy) for a routine ultrasound to check the baby's progress and look for signs of common birth defects (such as cleft palate, neural tube defects, and Down's Syndrome).

I filled out the usual pile of startup paperwork and we hung out in the waiting room for a while before being called back. Thankfully, there are no paper gowns involved for prenatal ultrasound at this stage -- just pulling shirts up and pants down to reveal the belly. The doc tucked a towel under the waistband of my pants and spread the jelly around (it was warmed! I was totally bracing for frosty belly!) before getting the machine going.

While I didn't recognize everything he pointed out and some of the cross sections were downright scary looking ("Am I having a T-Rex?!?!" was one of the thoughts that crossed my mind), I did recognize some of the easier parts like arms, legs, & head (the face was really difficult for me tho). Mark seemed to be keeping up better with the doctor in recognizing parts. Right off the bat the doc asked if we wanted to know the gender and since we didn't have a vehement "yes", he looked around without comment for a bit. :)

We saw the heart and all 4 chambers and the major blood vessels were present and accounted for. The spine looked like a spine. There was a gap behind the cerebellum, indicating that neural tube defects were unlikely. The folds of skin behind the neck were of normal thickness (extra indicates possible Down's Syndrome). The upper lip and jaw looked totally normal. There were 10 fingers (long ones too!!). We didn't get a good look at the toes but I'm presuming that they're all there.

The doctor had to leave for a few minutes to take a phone call during which time Mark & I discussed what we had seen thus far. He mentioned that he'd seen a cross section where the scan had moved from leg to leg across the front of the body and he didn't see any kind of bump indicating that it might be a boy. When the doctor returned, Mark asked if he'd seen any pointers on the gender and that we wanted to know and the doc promptly found and pointed out the baby's girly parts (they really looked like girly parts too, not particularly ambiguous) and told us we were having a daughter. I think at this point I grinned through the rest of the scan, despite having the paddle jammed up against my pelvis a few times while he was trying to get a better picture.

Just before we left Mark asked if the scan came up with the same due date we'd been given and the doctor said it had but then we found that he was working from the original January 5th date rather than the updated January 10th date. For January 10th the baby is apparently a tad large which kinda freaked me a bit because of my concerns about gestational diabetes. Ultimately, only time will tell, as we won't really know when the baby is ready to make her appearance until it happens. It could be January 5th. Or 10th. Or neither. Who knows. I was told that due dates are really only reliable to within a week anyway. I just really hope that she steers clear of December 25th (which is 37 weeks, 5 days and officially full-term).

Here's the picture that we received at the end (we also have a videotape of the session, which will necessitate hooking up the VCR for the first time in probably a couple of years). If you click the image to go to the larger version, you'll see the "Hi Mom & Dad" that the doctor had set up as a macro (as Mark amusedly pointed out).

It was interesting to note that this morning I looked up Chinese astrological gender prediction and the website with a calculator that actually took my Western birthday and estimated conception date said "Girl". The charts found on many websites that just show maternal age and month of conception said "Boy". The calculator did the math to determine my age on the lunar calendar, while the charts didn't really specify what system they were using. They had a 50/50 chance in either case...

As of tomorrow, we'll be at 22 weeks! Today we had a prenatal visit and toured one of the local hospital birth centers.

I really liked the birth center we saw today. Their rooms are spacious and labor-delivery-postpartum is all done in the same private room. Babies almost always stay in the room with you and you are welcome to have as many or as few visitors as you like. Partners are totally welcome to stay overnight (though the sleeping accommodations are kinda akin to camping). The basic room comes with a half bath but they also have two rooms with AquaDoula (www.aquadoula.com) labor tubs and two have showers in the bath. This also happens to be the hospital that my midwives prefer (of all the births at this hospital, they attend nearly 50%). I can see why.

I've seen the postpartum rooms at the other local hospital and most if not all of them are (potentially) shared with a roommate. It is also definitely less home-y and more hospital. Since I'm rather anxious in hospitals, more home-y is a plus. We do our official tour of that hospital on October 1st but unless the baby comes at or before 36 weeks (as they have the local neo-natal intensive care unit), it is unlikely we'll have a compelling reason to have her there.

On that note, baby sounds like she's doing just fine and we're pretty much on target for January 10th-ish based on the abdomen measurement today. Her heart rate is good (140's), my blood pressure looks great (110/78), and so far there is no sign of gestational diabetes (though that usually develops after 24 weeks from what I've read). She is pretty active and I can feel her larger movements. They're supposed to get strong enough to feel from the outside over the next 4 weeks.

I've gotten the OK to start prenatal yoga classes at the adult school next Monday, which I'm very much looking forward to. I've also been seeing Mark's chiropractor (she's great) to help with the aches in my back as my center of gravity shifts and my joints loosen up. We pretty much spend the whole appointment talking about babies while she's working on me. :)

We did have some bad news today on the insurance front, as it appears the OB/midwives office split has resulted in me using a non-network provider. That means we're hit with a $1000 out-of-network deductible (separate from the $250 in-network deductible that I've already met) and they pay 80% rather than 90%. Bleah. When I first checked to make sure they were on the list, the office hadn't split yet and they still have the OB listed in the network directory but it is under his old information. The other crappy news is that they've denied the claim filed for my visit to the endocrinologist (she charged $500 for an office visit!) so I'm not sure where that is gonna leave us. It may account for part of that nasty out-of-network deductible though. Oh joy. I just realized that if the baby is born in January, both the damned deductibles will likely roll over so we'll have $1250 out-of-pocket. At least then maybe we can work it into our FSA withholdings.

I definitely have no love for this insurance plan. At least the perinatologist who did the ultrasound is in-network. Oh, and it appears that only the hospital we toured today is on the list. The other one is out-of-network so it is in the $1000 deductible, 80% reimbursment list. Baby girl, you better stay put until full term.

Wow, what a downer to end on. I'll fix it.

I'm really getting excited to meet our baby and now that I've settled into being pregnant, I have moments of utter joy just knowing that she's in there. Kicking the cat. :)

This baby is trying to demolish the central tenant of my personal regligion: Thou shalt not get out of bed before 6:00am.

I've been dealing pretty well with the having to get up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night (for the first time in my adult life) and most nights I go right back to sleep. Lately, however, I have been having an increasing number of early mornings where I wake between 3am and 5am and just can't fall back into slumber. Sometimes I just start thinking and totally wake up. Others I just cannot find a comfortable position. This morning I woke around 4:30am ravenously hungry. I'm hoping that the silver lining in all this is that it will ease the transition into the Land of the Zombies (aka parents of newborns) but I guess only time will tell.

In other news, some friends invited us over for dinner last night and sent us home with a ton of baby stuff. The back of the Prius was so full that the rearview mirror was totally unusable. From what I remember offhand, we came home with a Pack 'N Play, a swing, a 2nd bouncy chair (sis-in-law had already handed one down), a Bjorn and a couple other styles of wearable carriers, a box of 0-3 month clothes, a box of 3-6 month clothes, a box of receiving blankets/burp cloths/bibs, 3 baby gates, and some other assorted accessories. And that was only a fraction of what they had for us to look at. Some other friends who just had their 3rd baby (but 1st girl) were over as well and they took home most of the 6-9 month clothes.

I have to say that being on this circuit of baby hand-me-downs rocks. Most of the time those doing the giving think of it as *us* doing *them* a favor ("Get this out of my garage/attic/etc"). Sis-in-law has already given us a co-sleeper, a bouncy chair, an exersaucer, a couple of wearable carriers, a Moses basket, and several bags of clothes. Heck, a gal I've never even *met* gave a friend some bags of clothing to pass on to us!

The only major purchases we've made so far have been a comfy armchair (which we got on mega sale Labor Day weekend) and a dresser from IKEA. OK, and technically the supplies to re-paint and re-floor the baby's room. We also just bought a new entertainment center via Craigslist but that is only kinda related to the baby, as our current set up is a death trap for children. Which reminds me... I better get started clearing stuff out of the way for the big switcheroo today.

Once again, I had a fairly uneventful prenatal visit. After the next visit, I'll be going in every two weeks instead of every four weeks. Do you know what that means? It means I am only two weeks away from the THIRD TRIMESTER!!! It seems like it has gone fast and slow at the same time. We're both itching to meet our baby but also really want her to stay put until January. We still have tons to do around the house before her grand arrival.

The best part about today's prenatal appointment was finding out that my OB office is back in our PPO network and that the insurance will pay 100% after a single $10 co-pay! The out-of-network benefits are pretty grim (and the in-network are actually better than I thought) so this was fantastic news.

Baby has been moving around a lot and her heart rate sounded nice and strong. My blood pressure is still doing great and blood sugar has been holding fairly steady (minus a few days of poor food choices). The midwife sounded a little concerned that I've only gained 12lbs so far but after we discussed my blood sugar she seemed to think it was OK. I was given a lab order to do the glucose tolerance test some time in the next 4 weeks. From what I've been told, it is kinda like drinking un-gelled orange Jello. Icky. If the results for that come back high, I'll have to do another glucose-related test and based on those results they'll determine whether or not to diagnose gestational diabetes. If I do get a diagnosis, the midwives will refer me to a dietitian and we'll go from there.

Sunday we toured the other local birth center. It was a better tour than I got the first time when I tagged along with our friends who were expecting at the time. We got to see a couple of labor & delivery rooms, saw the jacuzzi tub available for labor, met a NICU doctor, and saw a postpartum room. We're still planning to use the hospital we toured first as not only was it more home-y and had two labor tubs (each in the room with you) instead of one (in what looked like a closet off the hallway), it also is on our PPO network while the other isn't. I pre-registered with the chosen hospital today before my checkup since the OB office is in an attached building.

I've been to two prenatal yoga sessions so far. The first was overwhelming, overheating, and made me feel like I was going to throw up. The second was so very much better. I actually felt refreshed afterward despite waking up at 3:45am and not getting a nap. I will definitely be going back again!

I confirmed yesterday that my sausage fingers incident at the aquarium wasn't really a big deal. It was most likely an artifact of travelling and overdoing it while on the road. Blood pressure looked good and baby's heart rate sounded good.

She is likely sitting head up currently which would explain why it felt like she was sitting on my bladder a couple of times while in the car over the weekend. I asked her to stop sitting there and oddly enough it appeared that she complied. It was pretty funny. Hopefully she will turn head down in the next 3-5 weeks or so in preparation for joining us on the outside.

I'm a little unnerved by how fast I've started putting on weight in the past month. As of this morning it was up to 12lbs, with the total for the entire pregnancy being something like 23lbs. I need to be a bit more sparing with the cheese & such and more liberal with the fruits and veggies at this point since I'm only a few pounds from where I wanted to be at the end of the pregnancy and I still have 10 weeks to go. I kinda think she might be a week early though, as January 3rd is a full moon. :)

I skipped an update after our last appointment so I'll try to remember what all has happened in the past 4 weeks. Much of this post has been directly pilfered from the email I sent out to the family yesterday with additional detail and more complaining. :)

In the 30 week update I mentioned that baby was sitting head up. A day or so before the 32 week prenatal check, baby turned and was pressing her tiny cranium directly into my bladder. She has settled in head down according to yesterday's check. I was really curious about her position because I couldn't feel her knobby head anymore. The midwife said that very often you only notice when they first turn. She could change directions again but most likely will be head down for the remainder of her stay at Chez Womb. Thankfully, she's been hanging out pretty low so while indigestion has been a faithful companion, I've so far missed out on most of the traditional heartburn and shortness of breath.

Her heart rate continues to be nice and strong and she is still active every day, though the movements are smaller now that she's getting bigger. The books say she should be 4-5lbs at this point and about 18 inches long. Our next prenatal check will be December 13th (36 weeks) and they'll do a routine test for Strep B and check to see if I've started to dilate at all. After that we will be going in every week until labor starts. I am starting to notice some initial Braxton-Hicks contractions finally. It pretty much feels like someone replaces my uterus with a bowling ball for a little bit. No pain, just tightening in the belly that slowly releases.

Our birth classes have been going well and we're down to 2 more sessions. On Monday before class we will meet with our doula (who is also the instructor for our classes) to go over the plan for the big day. She's mentioned a couple times that she will be unavailable from December 22-28, so while I may *want* to will this child to come early (but after 37 weeks!) I officially still want her to be a January baby so that the doula can be there.

My blood pressure is still totally normal (120/80), though I have had some swelling. This week that might be attributed to the canned soup I was eating as a result of catching a cold. Holy sodium content, Batman! The variety I usually eat while sick turns out to have nearly 2000mg per can and I had it several days running before bothering to read the label. I got my most recent thyroid results back and am a bit confused. The endocrinologist wrote "looks great" on the sheet that her office mailed to me but my TSH went from 1.54 to 2.63 (higher is "worse" with TSH, it is inversely related to your actual thyroid function) and my T4 dropped down into the "low normal" range. I dunno if that is just normal for near the end of pregnancy or if someone has been hitting the crack pipe at their office.

I'm definitely feeling more unwieldy now -- there is me and then there is The Belly. I think one of the more disturbing things is that I only have 2 pair of shoes that I can wear and one of them is a pair of men's size 9EE width. That's what happens when you start out a women's 10D, I guess. I *really* am hoping that my feet will go back to their previous size after the baby is born because finding shoes was already a challenge. Anecdotal evidence says it can go either way. :) I'm also now at the point where the 44DDD bras I bought in the first trimester no longer fit. I have to use a band extender to keep the band from putting too much pressure on my abdomen. Have I mentioned that I don't understand why anyone would pay to have huge boobs installed? This is freakin' ridiculous. And they'll get bigger a few days after birth when my milk comes in!!!

I've found myself craving milk lately (only ice cold, nonfat need apply). Some days I drink more than a quart and it has never tasted better. I never did get any cravings for bizarro concoctions but I have had some bouts of compulsive cravings. Like for olives that I can't have. Not because they're on a magic no-no list but because they're olives cured by a guy that my dad knew who has been deceased for probably 10 years now. Those were the best olives ever (RIP, Mike). I also plowed through most of a 3lb box of fresh pineapple from Costco last week. Damn was it good.

Well, I think it is time to go eat a bowl of milk with some cereal thrown in for texture. :)

I haven't actually made any posts about the fact that she has even been born so for those who don't already know, Zoe Katharine entered the world December 12, 2006 at 12:04pm. She was 4 weeks early because I developed severe preeclampsia and the primary treatment is giving birth. She weighed 4lbs, 8oz and was 17 1/14 inches long and spent some time in the neo-natal intensive care unit but was doing so well that she was able to come home with us when I came home from the hospital. We've been home a week and she's already up to 5lbs.

I plan to post an excruciatingly detailed birth story in installments but I'm not ready to start that tonight. I've got a sleeping baby in my arms right now. She's really amazing -- awesome, in the true sense of the word.

Nana took this picture of me, Mark & Zoe today.

I went in for my 2 week incision check today and was cleared to drive since I a) don't have any real pain to speak of and b) am off the narcotic painkillers. I'm a little achey and still moving pretty slowly but that is totally to be expected at this point. Did I mention I can drive now?!? :)

I'm still working on the birth story. I've got the prologue and am part way through Day 1 written on paper so they'll be showing up in the not terribly distant future. I started on paper so that I could write it while holding the baby.

Zoe had an early 4 week checkup today after we took her to see the pediatrician about dealing with baby heartburn. She's almost 6.5lbs now but is only 3/4 of an inch longer. Everything else looked good. The doctor gave us info on postioning her to minimize discomfort from the reflux and on the vaccinations recommended at the 2 month check up (since Mark expressed our desire to alter the schedule).

And now it is time for a nap...

Today is Mark's first day back at work. He's doing some half days to take advantage of Paid Family Leave and keep from using up all his PTO.

So far it has been pretty smooth except for one notable exception. I had an appointment with Olga, our awesome free lacation consultant (her services are run through the county health department) at 10:45am. I put Zoe in the car seat and she summarily started howling. I could not leave her there so I took her out, calmed her down and then realized she was probably super hungry. I heated up a little milk in a bottle and gave it to her before trying again. She still cried on the second try but as soon as I picked the seat up to head for the door she settled down. We were a little late to our appointment (I also got lost on the way there -- Mark drove last time) but it worked out.

She did fantastic nursing today at our appointment. Zoe now weighs 6lbs, 10oz and took a full 3 oz of milk, while she only needs just over 2oz. Of course, she did spit up a fair bit at the end since she'd stuffed her little tummy full. That's more than double what she took directly last time. We're clear to nurse at every feeding now unless I start getting sore. I can't wait to get rid of the pump!

Starting later this week we'll be going to SLO on Wednesdays and Thursdays as our doula runs a mom's group and I signed up for the 0-6 month parent participation class run by the adult school. We'll probably be stopping by to see Daddy at work (or maybe join him for lunch) some of those days.

I know all the days aren't gonna be this easy but I'm glad that we're settling in. I can't believe that Zoe is already almost a month old. It sure doesn't feel like a month has passed (but some of the evenings/nights can feel like they're a month long...).

I should really go lay down with her, as she's been napping in the Bjorn for a couple of hours now. She's probably got another hour before she'll get hungry again. Maybe longer with all the extra milk she drank.

My poor, poor baby girl. Yesterday was horrible. She had so much painful gas that she pretty much screamed for most of the day.

We are fortunate enough to have a free breastfeeding "warm line" (you leave a message and they call you back rather than having it staffed 24-7) that gets answered periodically by none other than Kathleen Huggins, the author of The Nursing Mother's Companion.

After seeing that Zoe was eating a huge amount (we've rented a scale from her store to monitor how much Zoe is getting each feeding), Mark called and left a message. After describing how much she was eating, Kathleen asked if she was having a lot of gas. Apparently babies will feed more to get the gas through their systems. When she found out that I'd been switching sides during each feeding, her estimation was that I was overproducing and Zoe was getting way too much foremilk. Foremilk is super high in lactose and by getting so much of it the enzymes in her digestive tract just could not keep up and that was likely the cause of the gas. Or it still could be a dairy senstivity.

The course of action now is for her to nurse on only one side each feeding and for me to skip pumping unless I get so full that it is a) excruciatingly painful or b) too full for her to get a latch. Yeehaw. If this doesn't clear things up within 48-72 hours, I'm finally gonna have to break down and completely remove dairy from my diet for 2-3 weeks. That is how long it can take to get all the dairy proteins out of my system. Ugh.

I have been so very, very close to giving up on breastfeeding this weekend but there really isn't another viable road I'm willing to take. If it is dairy, that rules out most formula and I don't want to use soy formula because of all the phytoestrogens. That pretty much leaves me and my sore nipples to feed the baby. I never, ever expected it to be this hard just to get her fed and I totally understand why so many women don't even make it a month, especially if they don't have support. I'm at my wits end and I've got a fair bit of support between Mark, the warm line, and the lactation consultants from the breastfeeding clinic. I can't imagine trying to figure this all out on my own.

To end on a good note, after the 2am feeding (that probably ended around 3am) Zoe fell sound asleep fairly quickly (according to Mark, who took her and sent me to bed) and slept right on through until 8am. About that time she woke up hungry and I fed her and changed her diaper and she's been asleep on my chest for about 2 hours. Also, she totally reset my brain by smiling at me while I was talking to her and singing her the lullaby her daddy made up for her.

UPDATE: Note to self: Put nursing pads in the diaper bag and the car so when you overflow the ones you're wearing while you're out at a restaurant and notice a wet spot on your shirt you won't have to replace it with napkins and paper towel.

I have a natural tendency to post about the things that bug me. Like having a restricted diet and dealing with the crappy hard parts of breastfeeding. That's not what this post is about.

Right now I have an incredibly beautiful sleeping baby on my chest who is making happy, smiley faces in her sleep. This is what makes all the 2am feedings, the screaming diaper changes, and the walking the floors trying to find that one position that releases the painful gas bubble worthwhile.

It is easy to forget how long it took to get here now that we're in the thick of the hazing ritual for new parents. And just how much I wanted this. People keep telling us that it only gets better from here and deep down I know that this part of babyhood is fleeting and really just a small part of our lives. Hell, some day I'll probably look back on this time fondly. For now, we suck it up and go on one day (hell, some times one *hour*) at a time.

I'm incredibly thankful that both Zoe & I are healthy, we're getting back on track with breastfeeding (hard as it may be) to get her the immune system & nutritive benefits, and that we've had such an outpouring of support & love from all our family and friends. Last but not least, this little girl has the best Daddy ever. I don't know where I'd be without him.

My last post was the lament about going off dairy to see if it made a difference in Zoe's fuss/gas levels. I managed to make it 6 days before cracking and at first thought it wasn't going to be a problem. Hoo boy, was I wrong. It must have taken a few days to build back up in her system because I started eating dairy on Tuesday (01/23) and by Thursday her fussiness was on the rise and by Saturday it was back to the point where she spent the day eating, sleeping, or screaming. On Sunday (01/28) I gave up dairy indefinitely.

I think I'm handling it better this time because I *know* it is a problem and because we've stocked up on dairy-free foods. We bought some Nucoa margarine for baking (yay, banana bread!), rice milk for cereal (still a bit sweet for my taste but more tolerable than almond milk), and goat cheese and yogurt. Cheese is still difficult though. I decided to try the "Soy-sation" cheese from TJ's and found out it has cow's milk bits (caesin) in it!!! What is the freakin' point in soy cheese if it has milk in it?!? Yesterday I did have real pancakes because a) it had been a full week since I'd consumed anything with milk and b) I wanted to see if I could get by having just a little milk once in a while without affecting Zoe. Results are inconclusive.

Now that she isn't spending so much time with gas pains, Zoe is settling into a vague routine. She'll usually sleep for a couple of 4 hour chunks after her night feedings and I can actually take her to bed. She still won't sleep without fuss unless she's on her side right next to me. Papa still has one session of sleeping with her on his chest on the couch (it's a recliner) with a variable amount of crying (she doesn't want to leave the breast but often I have to hand her off due to soreness). In the morning she is starting to have an active period where she wants to flail around and play. I can actually lay her in the pack & play and grab some breakfast before she fusses to be picked up. The rest of the day is mostly a nurse-nap cycle with the customary evening "happy hour" fuss.

We're still struggling with screaming in the carseat but I have found a couple of things that help. If she is zonked out when she is put in the seat she will often just stay asleep, sometimes for hours. I also was able to quiet her by letting her suck on my pinkie finger yesterday. That doesn't help for me driving alone but will for family trips. Alas, it looks like our first trip isn't gonna happen because Mark is being sent to South Carolina for a week for work the week prior. My mom is coming over to help me take care of Zoe while he's gone.

Hmmm... Other things... Zoe has probably doubled her weight in 8 weeks. I expect she weighs 9lbs by now as she was 8.5lbs last Monday... Her eyebrows have come in and her hairline is filling in from back to front... She may keep the blue eyes, as her pupils are now circled by some gray, much like mine... She's smiled a few times that weren't in her sleep and we've seen Papa's dimples show up a few times... We're not taking nearly enough pictures.

Now that I'm caring for a newborn all day, I relish the weekends when Mark will be home to take turns holding & tending to Zoe so I can do other things. Even better are the weekends that include visits from grandparents, who want to do nothing but hold the baby. :)

This weekend my dad visited on Saturday. He and I took Zoe to farmer's market then went to lunch and ran some errands while Mark took a nice long nap. After she was fed, he and Mark watched Zoe while I went to the hardware store for water softener salt then after her next feeding we all went out to dinner.

Sunday was a really good day even though I think I overdid things a bit. First, we walked to our favorite neighborhood breakfast place with Zoe in the Bjorn. Mark had to take a work call near the end and it lasted for the walk home and after so he just kept the sleeping baby on his person. I took the opportunity to ride my bike for the first time in 8 months and got the dogs some exercise. I did some other random things around the house before Zoe woke up for her next feeding. I finally started feeling like myself again. After dinner I started a gauge swatch for a pair of socks while we watched either Iron Chef or Farscape, I can't recall which.

My brother and his girlfriend also came by, as they decided to spend a couple nights at the infamous Madonna Inn for her birthday. We visited at the house for a bit then kinda invited ourselves to lunch with them in Pismo. We went to Mo's and they headed down the street for chowder but re-joined us because the place was closed. I found that my sunshade is very handy for hiding the fact that I'm putting nursing pads into my bra. I had forgotten and started leaking as soon as we ordered our food. Thankfully, I had some in the diaper bag in the car. After lunch we said our goodbyes and Zoe, Mark and I walked down the pier for Zoe's frist visit to the ocean. It was kinda uneventful since she was sound asleep but at least I got a picture!

... is really just an excuse to gratuitously show off some really cute pictures of Zoe. :)

Things new with Zoe in the past 10 days:

- lots of beautiful baby smiles
- most nights in the co-sleeper instead of our bed
- making eye contact & checking out surroundings
- responding to our voices ("Mama loves you" gets a wide gleeful grin :)
- head is lifted more often than not
- weighs in at about 12lbs (!!!)
- screaming & grunting giving way to coos & gurgles
- sleeping in longer increments (4-5 hours)

I'm finally starting to feel close to my baby girl, at least as close as I expected to feel when she was born. From what I've read it is pretty common for it to take more time to really bond with your baby after a traumatic birth (and sometimes even after a normal birth). It was my biggest disappointment and a constant source of fear & frustration. I'm glad to be finally letting it go so that I can enjoy her babyhood and not let it be overshadowed by shattered expectations. The smiles help a lot. I'm starting to believe that the mythical things-get-better-at-3-months is actually going to be reality for us.

Our little pumpkin is four months old. Four Months is very cute but a bit drooly.

Zoe is renewing the justification for the name "Baroness von Wigglestein". All wiggly, all the time. Sometimes she needs to lay on the floor just so she can flail about. I realized this after we were hanging out at her first LAN party last weekend. I had her on the floor after her diaper change and she started her first real attempt at rolling over. The next day's attempt was a little closer. Monday I gave her another shot and she got almost halfway over when she lost momentum. I tried putting her on her tummy and she promptly rolled over to her back. My days of stepping away from the changing table to grab something are pretty much over. She also loves being lifted up over our heads and we play the Drool Bomber game regularly.

Singing and having little chats are part of every day now. Sometimes the Alphabet Song is met with squeals of laughter. And The Laugh is intoxicating so anything that gets one is repeated several times. Interest in other people is another new feature of Four Months. Yesterday at mom's group Zoe started smiling at other mom's and was fascinated by other babies. She also talks to my laptop now that I have switched my background to one of her photos. Honestly, now that I think about it a bit further, Four Months has introduced a general interest in surroundings. My wedding ring, which I finally found (it was on the dresser the whole time), was neat and shiny to grab at. Drool rags are fun to hold and suck on.

Other features (for good or ill) of Four Months:

- Pacifiers are life saving devices when sleep is being fought and things get fusstastic. Night or day.

- Mark is getting exercise by taking long walks to battle fuss.

- The carseat is no longer guaranteed to be traumatic. The big mirror I put up may help with that somewhat.

- Reduced carseat trauma also means the stroller is usuable again. Very handy for trips to the bathroom as well as outings. :)

- Sleep is uh, well, at least we get *some* most nights.

- The First Cold (ugh.) is part of why sleep is crummy at the moment.

- Did I mention that The Laugh is like crack? :)

Oh, yeah. I also have started back at work. Not sure how long this is going to last. I managed to put in just over 15hrs (pre-baby was 20hrs/week) the first week and haven't managed to put in more than 6hrs per *week* since then. Being sick had something to do with it but also I no longer have the padding of being in the office for a particular number of hours per day. I clock time in bits and pieces while Zoe is napping or nursing. New tasks haven't been coming in as much these past two weeks and I'm finding myself less likely to go look for stuff to do to fill the hours when I can be doing things like relishing having two free hands, getting something to eat, or catching up on the mountains of laundry and dishes.

[Insert obligitory comment about it being 5 months already.]

Zoe is turning into a little person! Who'd a thunk?! :)

We're currently on the trailing edge of the most recent development leap and she just had another growth spurt. Zoe now weighs in at 14.5lbs and measures 24.5in long. As a result, I had to finally order her new car seat because she's an inch and a half from outgrowing the infant seat. Many people have said we'll be sad when we can't use the infant carrier part of the seat but she tends to wake up when the car stops anyway. Especially if we are arriving at home. The child has a knack for waking up when we hit the driveway, either on foot or in the car. What is really going to kill me is when I can no longer haul her to the cosleeper on the breastfeeding pillow (that day is rapidly approaching, as is the day that she's too long for the cosleeper). I suppose I should start trying to carry her another way sooner rather than later.

In addition to her physical growth, new behaviors are popping up. Zoe is very close to being able to roll over from back to tummy (last month she started rolling tummy to back) and the effort cheeses her off quite a bit. It looks like she's gonna be a mover. She's also discovered that her tongue can extend out of her mouth and uses that to push out her binky when she doesn't want us to get it in. Sitting up is rapidly approaching. She needs help to get into a sitting position but went from falling over even when propped up to nearly sitting by herself in a week or two. Another recent arrival is little grabby hands. And every thing she can get in her hands goes straight to the mouth. While screaming in the car is now a rarity, we are losing the ability to get her to sleep reliably in the car because she pulls out her binky, plays with it, and then drops it.

I finally got my copy of The Wonder Weeks, no thanks to Amazon. They waited over a month to send the email saying they couldn't get the book. After ordering from one of their outside dealers, the book was here in less than two weeks. *sigh* Anyhoo, I'm really glad to have it to use as a roadmap for her development leaps. We're just coming out of the 19 week leap which is when babies learn that sequences of actions make up events. Now instead of crying when I set her down to put on the breastfeeding pillow, she smiles and seems to recognize that milkies are imminent. That rules. She's been in a great mood this week with lots of smiles and laughing. I'm really hoping the next fussy phase can hold off until after our trip to the Bay Area on Memorial Day weekend.

Things on deck for Month Six:

- Solid foods! She hasn't started grabbing our food yet but she watches every bite that goes in our mouths. Yesterday at mom's group she didn't want to nurse until I was eating my sandwich.

- Baby sign. The summer session of the Parent Participation classes is going to include teaching some baby sign.

- Teeth? The 6 month-olds in mom's group are getting in their first teeth. I've been watching Zoe's gums but haven't seen anything yet.

Why is it that "more fun" and "more work" seem to go together so often? Regardless, I'm really loving this age (now that my sleep has returned to a more "normal" level this week).

Month Six has brought us lots of hugs, smiles, and giggles. Zoe is sitting up with less assistance and is reaching for *everything*, especially when we're trying to eat. I expect we'll try solids this week now that the camera has made its way home.

Our Goldfish (Mommy & Me) class at the local high school is just past the halfway point. For her age, I'm told Zoe is doing fantastic though it seems her tolerance is shrinking. Today we were only in the water for about 20-30 minutes of the hour long class. It was definitely cold today though. At least Papa stopped by on his lunch break and was able to take some action shots with his phone! Here we are playing "Humpty Dumpty".

Yesterday was the 6 month checkup with the pediatrician. Zoe is catching up! She's 15.5lbs, 25in long, and has a 16.75in head circumference. That puts her mostly in the 25th percentile for her chronological age and that is on the chart that assumes the baby is fed formula rather than breastmilk. Everything else looks good and we verified that there aren't yet any teeth in her drooly mouth (she sticks her tongue out when I try to check). Once she's grown one more inch in length we are going to have to put in her new car seat to replace the infant seat that pops into a base.

Today we had our first session of the summer Parent Participation series at the local Adult School. We got to see some of the babies that we met through our last round at Parent Participation. The minute she saw the other babies she was wiggling and trying to crawl out of my lap to go to them. Definitely her father's daughter! This session we'll be learning about non-toxic cleaning products, making toys at home, and estate planning (odd, but we sorely need it) in addition to the usual songs and chatting.

Hmmm... Sounds like someone is ready to go to bed. More next month!

Since Zoe has been fascinated by anything we eat and finally started trying to grab it out of our hands, we decided to finally give her a shot at solids.

Friday evening I mixed up some organic rice cereal with breastmilk and tried feeding her with a spoon. She did pretty well at not choking but, as expected, she wore more of it than she ate.

Eventually, she wrestled the spoon from me because, really, it was more interesting than the cereal. I perservered and got another spoon. I also learned why so many babies get nightly baths, as she was totally sticky when we were finished.

Saturday I gave her a chunk of banana to play with while we ate on the back patio and Sunday she got a little bit of avocado. Boy, this whole food thing is messy!

Um, yeah, July was busy.

September is gonna be a doozy too, potentially with travel three weeks in a row. This should be interesting, as we're seeing the beginnings of separation anxiety and awareness of strangers. Zoe has been super sociable for the past few months but lately her willingness to smile at strangers is lessening and she has shyly nestled into my shoulder a few times. It somewhat depends on the person though. She definitely prefers to meet new people from the safety of Mama or Papa's (aching) arms these days.

Anyhoo, Zoe continues on her quest for mobility. She can scoot backwards and rock back and forth on her hands and knees and adds in rolling to get to things out of her reach. The house is still woefully unprepared for a crawling baby. Oh! And a few days ago she pulled herself up on a toy in her crib. The second time she only got to kneeling but that is still a pretty major accomplishment.

Though we've been slacking on giving her solid foods, I have started making baby food for her by steaming veggies and running them through the food processor before freezing in ice cube trays. We've tried butternut squash, carrots, and peas and sweet potato is next. So far squash is the favorite with peas a close second. Oatmeal wasn't very well received but we'll try again now that I've ground the oats smaller. I am going to try making some applesauce next from apples off our tree in the backyard. Also we have bananas and avocados ripening on top of the fridge so we will add those to the menu too.

Here's a summary of where we are now:

Number of teeth: 2, center bottom
Number of teeth waiting to burst from the gums: 4, 2 top, 2 bottom
Weight: 17lbs
Length: 26in
Clothing size: 9 months, but not for much longer
Sitting up?: Like a champ!
Crawling?: Kinda. Stuck in reverse.
Standing?: Assisted. But that's on the horizon.
Walking?: No, thank goodness. That can wait a while. I hope.
Travel in July: Bay Area for Grandad's surgery and Santa Cruz with Mama & Grandma
Travel in August:None until Labor Day weekend.
Foods: Primarily still nursing with solids 1-2 times a day
Likes: "Petting" our dogs & cats, being held up in the air, being tickled by Mama's hair, chewing & drooling on everything in sight
Dislikes: Diaper changes, having face wiped, sitting in one place for too long, sleeping alone

Hoo Boy. This month's a doozie. But in a (mostly) good way.

Miss Zoe is officially mobile. Crawling. Pulling up to standing. Cruising. Oy.

In the pic above she was chasing me as I was crawling backwards trying to take her picture. Every time I told her to stop moving, she giggled wildly and headed right for me. Now that the forward motion is working for her, Zoe is picking up speed. Just in time for the Diaper Derby at the local harvest festival!

Below is the view I return to *every* time I leave her in the crib for any amount of time. Thankfully, we dropped the mattress to the lowest setting. It was astonishing to see how quickly standing and cruising started after the forward crawling began. Babyproofing has commenced in earnest at home and the pets are rather nonplussed.

This month also brings us teeth. Plural. In addition to the two bottom center, six new teeth are in the process of coming in and three of these (all on top) are through the gums and becoming more visible every day. This has made nursing a little uncomfy but (*knocks wood*) so far we haven't had any biting nastiness. Alas, she's made up for it with continued scratching and pinching -- why can't babies fingernails grow in when they're old enough to understand being told not to scratch Mama's tender arm flesh?

Zoe made her longest car trip to date on Labor Day weekend when we visited our friends in Guerneville. Even though it was a short dip, she absolutely loved splashing around in the Russian River. She also took her first few forward lunges at their house. Other than the usual sleep havoc and a fit of hysterics for about 45 minutes (from San Francisco to Mountain View), the trip was a success. Next we'll see how well she does at Disneyland in December (for *my* birthday :).

At her 9 month check-up today Zoe was pronounced beautiful and healthy but mildly anemic. I'll be adding more iron-rich foods to her solid meals in hopes of avoiding having to give her supplements. Since there seems to be some gluten sensitivity in the family and because she was sensitive to dairy via breastmilk, the pediatrician recommended that we delay introducing those and some of the other allergenic foods until after Zoe is at least 18 months old.

"Let me 'splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up:"

Number of teeth: 5, center bottom, center and just left on top
Number of teeth waiting to burst from the gums: 3, 1 top, 2 bottom
Weight: 17lbs 3oz
Length: 26 3/4in
Clothing size: Too big for 9 months, not quite big enough for 12 months
Sitting up?: Old news.
Crawling?: Oh yeah. And gaining speed.
Standing?: Pulls up on anything she can get her hands on. But not letting go yet.
Walking?: Assisted by the LeapFrog walker borrowed from friends. Doom.
Travel in September: Russian River/Bay Area for Labor Day and back to the Bay Area the weekend that followed. LA was planned but scrapped for the third weekend.
Foods: Primarily still nursing but we've switched from purees to finger foods. Faves are butternut squash and cheerios. Though the cheerios have to go since it turns out that oats have gluten. She'll be very displeased.
Likes: Watching big kids run & jump, hanging upside down, splashing in the tub
Dislikes: Diaper changes that don't feature Mama singing "Yellow Submarine", too many times in & out of the car, waking up alone

I really feel bad about having to combine months on these posts but this (umm, and last...) month has been all about getting buried in a pile of busy.

The major increase in crawling speed coupled with a feverish curiousity and desire to. Put. Every. Single. Thing. On. Earth. In the mouth has made daily life with Zoe a domestic challenge. The dogs help to pepper the carpet with little bits -- torn up ziplocs, pieces of grass, etc. and a fresh coat of dust on a daily basis. This was a nuisance before Zoe became a human roomba but now it is completely unnerving and requires near CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Mobility is such a double edged sword. I'm liking not having to carry 18lbs of wiggly all the time but keeping things clean & safe is a herculean task. Walking should let us get more out of parks and playgroups -- and she'll lose some speed for a bit. Definitely not ready for running but ready or not, it is on the horizon.

To re-cap, Zoe can now: cross-crawl at speed, stand up assisted, stand up and let go of said assistance, climb up on to the couch (via the nursing footstool), cruise along the furniture, and walk pushing a support (so far a walker toy and an empty laundry basket).

Between Months Ten and Eleven, was Zoe's first Halloween. I was really excited beforehand but when it came right down to it my enthusiasm, for what is normally my favorite holiday, fizzled. Nevertheless, we carved homegrown pumpkins and dressed Zoe in a "homemade" black cat costume. I'm not sure what future years will hold, as I was really disheartened by the greed & ungratefulness of the trick-or-treaters that visited our house. Probably less than 25% said "Thank you" and one teen-ish boy had the audacity to attempt to take an entire handful of candy from the bowl. Anyhoo, this post is about Zoe, not punk kids, so here's a picture:

Communication skills are on the rise, though not proceeding fast enough for us or Zoe sometimes. We have had her give us a few baby signs, primarily for "milkies" and "all done". She's a sharp one, as she's given me the "all done" sign on the diaper changer when she didn't want to be there and often she'll sign "all done" in the high chair when she wants to be picked up whether or not she's actually still hungry. The biggie now is that she's started saying "Mama". Her first word was definitely "Hi" and we're pretty sure she says "kitty". Everything else is still babble to the adult ears in the house.

The past week has plunged us into the Depths of Hell that is the one year molars. I still don't know if she actually was sick or not but last week her temp was up around 101F intermittently and peaked out at 103F. She's had congestion but no runny nose and has been pretty fussy and clingy, pulling out the brain melting shriek way more often than usual. Zoe has been tugging at her ears (ped said they're clear of infection) and stuffing her hands in her mouth, as well as nibbling on my arms and legs. During a screaming fit I saw the upper right culprit emerging from the gums. It wouldn't surprise me at all if the perp brought along some friends because she cut the four top center teeth all at the same time. Still only two little lonely teeth on the bottom for now. We are not amused by this teething business.

Tomorrow we head north to visit the Smith clan for Thanksgiving and Zoe will get to play with her cousins, hopefully not eating too many of their toys. And in hopes of posting this before her birthday, we'll now sum up:

Number of teeth: 6.5, center bottom, center top, upper right molar
Number of teeth waiting to burst from the gums: Who knows...
Weight: 18lbs
Length: Not sure.
Clothing size: 12 to 18 months
Sitting up?: Ancient history.
Crawling?: Swifter than eagles.
Standing?: Pulls up, lets go for up to 30 seconds or so
Walking?: Assisted by the LeapFrog walker or cruising the furniture.
Climbing!?!?: Gah! On and off the couch if the nursing footstool is out.
Travel in October/November: Visited Grammy & Grandpa in Hanford and was wary of Uncle Tom. Will visit Nana & Grandad and Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins...tomorrow!
Foods: Decided to keep with circular cereal, squash, sweet potato, gingersnaps.

I cannot believe my little monkey is a year old already. Today we're celebrating with our mom & baby group at our house. My house hasn't been this clean in a long, long time.

So much to post, I have no idea where to start. Looks like my last post was at 11 months. Well, I'm back thanks to another round of I-will-only-nap-on-your-person-or-in-the-carseat. Yeehaw! So while I still have a small person sleeping on my thigh with her head between my knees (Gotta love toddler physics. Breastfeeding is a hoot - NOT!) I'll try to fill in the past 5 months (zoiks!).

I figured out why I was steamrolled by The Holidays this year. It wasn't the holiday season. It was The Baroness kicking out her pacifier a week before Thanksgiving and wanting me to replace it with a boob, 24x7. She got FOUR molars between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day, we hosted a birthday playgroup that had me cleaning for several weeks to make my filthy house fit for other people's crawling babies, Zoe got Roseola and THEN we still had to do the usual Christmas stuff. It kicked my arse. Then my crawler started walking, and grabbing, and all of a sudden I had a toddler.

The birthday party was fun, though I think we may dispense with the birthday parties and continue with our usual family ritual of going somewhere fun. Our Disneyland trip in December was cancelled since Zoe wasn't walking yet so I think we'll try again in December 2008. I think we'll probably do annual passes this year since we'll have to start buying Zoe tickets after her birthday in 2009.

Walking started in January and we've progressed from a few wobbly steps to nearly running in the past three months. She's currently in the scratch & dent stage of babyhood where her feet move faster than her sense of balance can keep up with. She's also started doing this little dance when she's excited (like the penguin on Happy Feet) and stomping when she's mad. It's really cute.

We're in teething hell again as tooth #12 begins to emerge. Only 8 more and we'll be done until she's replacing the baby teeth with the adult set. I'm really looking forward to the teething stage being over.

Wow. I didn't realize just how cheesy Pete's Dragon was. Maybe I should have put in Grease instead. Zoe loves musicals -- She loved Enchanted when we had it from Netflix, her first favorite movie! Hey! Jeff Conaway is in both Pete's Dragon & Grease... OK... back to Zoe.

New words have been coming in bursts. "Hi" and "Dog" were the first words, shortly followed by "cat". We've now got "dada", "bye", "this", "that", "go", "bottle", "bite", and the dreaded "no". Oh yeah, she says "Mama" but only when she's really cheesed off. And "Nay" for "nurse". Her first sentence just happened and was "Bite that." Usually repeated with vigor and pointing when we're eating something that looks interesting.

I'm sure there's a ton of stuff I'm forgetting but I'll leave it here for now and hopefully get back to the monthly updates.

Number of teeth: 11, with another on the way
Weight: 22lbs
Length: 30inches
Clothing size: 18 month tops, bottoms need 18 month rise, 12 month waist & length *sigh*
Mobility: On the verge of running. Readying to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Travel since last update: Did Thanksgiving in the Bay Area, Christmas in the Bay Area & Hanford, and headed back to the Bay Area in February for the Stitches West convention.
Foods: Just about anything. Strawberries are a current favorite.

Hoo doggie. Someone (see above) in our house has decided that bedtime is unnecessary. We've tried going earlier and later with the timing and both result in the same big screaming fit. Right now Mark is sitting in the chair in her room while Zoe sobs hysterically at the gate. Last night I fell asleep to her crying in bed next to me. Getting her to sleep is easily taking 45 minutes to an hour (or more) *every night* no matter what. On the plus side, once she does get to sleep she's pretty much sleeping straight through until 6am and then sometimes will go back to sleep after a spot of milkies.

I knit these pants for her and good thing I finished them finally because they just fit right now. Which means they may be a bit small next week. *rolls eyes* That's what I get for taking 3-4 months to finish them. (Oooh, I think I hear Mark which means she's finally asleep). I think I should probably sew clothing for her next time instead, as it should be a faster project to finish.

We've had a number of travel firsts this past few months. First trip to Disneyland (staying at the Grand Californian Hotel onsite no less), first plane ride, first camping trip.

Disneyland would have been more awesome had we not been there during a heat wave that had temps soaring into the triple digits and us nearly spending more time in our hotel room and the pool than in the parks. One of the pools at the hotel had a little water slide that Zoe absolutely adored. She would have spent the whole trip there if we would have let her. We rode the carousels in both Disneyland and California Adventure, Pirates (of course!), the Haunted Mansion, the Storybook Land Canal Boats, the Monorail, the Nemo Submarine Voyage, the Mark Twain Steamboat, and the Sun Wheel. Using the fantastic rider switch feature, Mark & I were able to go on Space Mountain (twice!), the Matterhorn, Star Tours, Big Thunder Mountain, and California Screamin' without having to wait forever. We'll be heading back in December and will have to hit Small World (it was closed for refurb) and Dumbo (lines were too long).

We made it to the family reunion in Wichita this year, despite United Airlines best efforts to keep us from doing so. *sigh* Zoe was a trooper on the wacky trip out that had us at the San Jose airport at 9am on Saturday morning, through security, on the plane, off the plane, waiting around for an hour, on the shuttle to SFO, through security again, on the plane, waiting for takeoff, arriving in Denver late, off the plane, on the next plane to get us to Wichita and finally arriving 3.5hours late at 10:30pm having had no breaks and no real meals. We picked up our rental car, hit the IHOP, checked into our room and finally got to bed between midnight and 1am local time. The reunion was great. My dad had also decided to go this year and 3 of his (4) siblings were present with their families. Plus all the rest of Grandma's side of the family. It was something like 100 people! The next day we went to Hutchinson, KS to visit the Cosmosphere so Mark could inspect every speck of (space!) dust. :) We spent the evening at Grandma's and then were back at the airport bright and early the next morning to fly home. Thankfully, the trip home was uneventful.

We had 3 weeks to recover from that before heading off on our next adventure -- camping at Portola State Park with Mark's family and a bunch of their friends. This was an annual trip when Mark was a kid and last year it was restarted by his sis & another of the gals in the group. We drove up for the day but didn't camp last year. This time we rented a van and camped. Zoe was filthy head to toe and loving it and spent much of her time running around the campground with her cousins. I admit that even as a non-camper, I had a good time and was already taking mental notes for next year before we'd even started packing up our stuff.

With all that travel under our belts, we decided it was time to stay home for a bit. For the 4th of July the street around the corner from our house has a potluck block party and this year they even got a bounce house for the kids. Zoe was hesitant at first but ended up loving it and even going up the big laddery bit to get to the slide (which was the height of the bounce house!!). Thankfully the bigger kids were pretty patient since it took her a while to get up to the top. We headed out before the fireworks started but not before Zoe managed to coat herself in bubble soap and sidewalk chalk. Ah the joys of a toddler!

Number of teeth: 12.75, as the 4 canines are in various stages
Weight: 23.5lbs
Length: 31.5inches
Clothing size: 18-24 months
Mobility: Perpetual. Climbs with no fear. Nearly swims.
Speech: Comes & goes. Lots of emphatic babbling. Some even in English. Has dropped using some signs (like "all done") but is picking up others (like "please"). No means both no and yes and, sadly, "MINE!" has made its grand entrance.
Travel since last update: Tons! Maker Faire the first weekend in May, (Great-great)Aunt Mary's funeral in Hanford, Disneyland during the May heat wave, Wichita, KS for the family reunion the first Sunday in June, and camping at Portola State Park. May well be in the Bay Area for a week about a week from now.
Foods: Berries and whatever Mama's eating are her favorites.