blackmoondog

I went in for my 2 week incision check today and was cleared to drive since I a) don't have any real pain to speak of and b) am off the narcotic painkillers. I'm a little achey and still moving pretty slowly but that is totally to be expected at this point. Did I mention I can drive now?!? :)

I'm still working on the birth story. I've got the prologue and am part way through Day 1 written on paper so they'll be showing up in the not terribly distant future. I started on paper so that I could write it while holding the baby.

Zoe had an early 4 week checkup today after we took her to see the pediatrician about dealing with baby heartburn. She's almost 6.5lbs now but is only 3/4 of an inch longer. Everything else looked good. The doctor gave us info on postioning her to minimize discomfort from the reflux and on the vaccinations recommended at the 2 month check up (since Mark expressed our desire to alter the schedule).

And now it is time for a nap...

This is the first in a series of posts that will try to preserve my experience of Zoe's birth. They're mostly for me to keep an account of one of the most incredible events in my life. This is the "excruciating detailed" version which will likely include some stuff that will qualify as TMI. Just wanted to give fair warning.

I'm thankful to have had a pretty easy pregnancy, at least until it all went kablooey at the end of the 8th month. Pregnancy sickness was minimal and easy to control once the pattern was deciphered (too hungry or too full). I managed to avoid getting gestational diabetes, kept my thyroid condition well managed, and every test came back favorable -- a very mundane pregnancy. I kept wondering why it felt so easy.

The 8th month was definitely the most difficult. My expanding belly was making things challenging, ligaments were loosening causing new and interesting aches, and my feet were swelling enough that none of my shoes fit properly. I had to order a pair of men's size 9, EE width just to have one closed pair that fit to go with my one pair of Birkenstocks that I could get into. Heartburn finally decided to become a regular visitor, though thankfully it was managable with judicious application of Tums and constipation was kept at bay by near daily consumption of pears (much tastier than Tums).

Despite the late-pregnancy discomforts, things were going well as a whole. The only oddity was the speed with which I was gaining weight as I entered the 3rd trimester. I had gained 10lbs in 4 weeks whereas I had gained 12lbs over the course of the first two trimesters total. Rapid weight gain (more than 4lbs in a week) can be an indicator of preeclampsia but my blood pressure was totally normal (120/80) up through my 34 week prenatal visit.

The week after Thanksgiving I had what I thought was a cold -- sinus pressure, sore throat, congestion but fairly mild and with little to no mucousy indication that my body was fighting off a virus. After speaking to my next-door neighbor (who had preeclampsia with her first child), it may have been the beginnings of something much more serious.

At least a dozen people have asked me and I still don't know what made me decide to check my blood pressure on December 9th, but I did. It may have been the fact that the baby wasn't moving as much the previous few days. My aunt thinks my grandmother was speaking to me from heaven. Who knows. All that matters is that it was 145/90-ish, which was so odd for me that I thought our home monitor was broken. My blood pressure had never been above 130/80 in my entire life. The next day (Sunday, December 10th), I checked it again and it was a bit higher. Later in the day, it was higher still. I probably should have called the on-call midwife at that point but I was stubbornly in denial and had convinced myself the monitor was broken. Mark, however, had taken his BP with said monitor and it was normal. My plan was to take my BP again in the morning and then test my urine for protein that night at our final childbirth class (since it is held in an OB office). I already had my 36 week prenatal visit scheduled for the following Wednesday (December 13th). Mark was concerned and reluctant but didn't fight me. He probably should have.

Today is Mark's first day back at work. He's doing some half days to take advantage of Paid Family Leave and keep from using up all his PTO.

So far it has been pretty smooth except for one notable exception. I had an appointment with Olga, our awesome free lacation consultant (her services are run through the county health department) at 10:45am. I put Zoe in the car seat and she summarily started howling. I could not leave her there so I took her out, calmed her down and then realized she was probably super hungry. I heated up a little milk in a bottle and gave it to her before trying again. She still cried on the second try but as soon as I picked the seat up to head for the door she settled down. We were a little late to our appointment (I also got lost on the way there -- Mark drove last time) but it worked out.

She did fantastic nursing today at our appointment. Zoe now weighs 6lbs, 10oz and took a full 3 oz of milk, while she only needs just over 2oz. Of course, she did spit up a fair bit at the end since she'd stuffed her little tummy full. That's more than double what she took directly last time. We're clear to nurse at every feeding now unless I start getting sore. I can't wait to get rid of the pump!

Starting later this week we'll be going to SLO on Wednesdays and Thursdays as our doula runs a mom's group and I signed up for the 0-6 month parent participation class run by the adult school. We'll probably be stopping by to see Daddy at work (or maybe join him for lunch) some of those days.

I know all the days aren't gonna be this easy but I'm glad that we're settling in. I can't believe that Zoe is already almost a month old. It sure doesn't feel like a month has passed (but some of the evenings/nights can feel like they're a month long...).

I should really go lay down with her, as she's been napping in the Bjorn for a couple of hours now. She's probably got another hour before she'll get hungry again. Maybe longer with all the extra milk she drank.

My poor, poor baby girl. Yesterday was horrible. She had so much painful gas that she pretty much screamed for most of the day.

We are fortunate enough to have a free breastfeeding "warm line" (you leave a message and they call you back rather than having it staffed 24-7) that gets answered periodically by none other than Kathleen Huggins, the author of The Nursing Mother's Companion.

After seeing that Zoe was eating a huge amount (we've rented a scale from her store to monitor how much Zoe is getting each feeding), Mark called and left a message. After describing how much she was eating, Kathleen asked if she was having a lot of gas. Apparently babies will feed more to get the gas through their systems. When she found out that I'd been switching sides during each feeding, her estimation was that I was overproducing and Zoe was getting way too much foremilk. Foremilk is super high in lactose and by getting so much of it the enzymes in her digestive tract just could not keep up and that was likely the cause of the gas. Or it still could be a dairy senstivity.

The course of action now is for her to nurse on only one side each feeding and for me to skip pumping unless I get so full that it is a) excruciatingly painful or b) too full for her to get a latch. Yeehaw. If this doesn't clear things up within 48-72 hours, I'm finally gonna have to break down and completely remove dairy from my diet for 2-3 weeks. That is how long it can take to get all the dairy proteins out of my system. Ugh.

I have been so very, very close to giving up on breastfeeding this weekend but there really isn't another viable road I'm willing to take. If it is dairy, that rules out most formula and I don't want to use soy formula because of all the phytoestrogens. That pretty much leaves me and my sore nipples to feed the baby. I never, ever expected it to be this hard just to get her fed and I totally understand why so many women don't even make it a month, especially if they don't have support. I'm at my wits end and I've got a fair bit of support between Mark, the warm line, and the lactation consultants from the breastfeeding clinic. I can't imagine trying to figure this all out on my own.

To end on a good note, after the 2am feeding (that probably ended around 3am) Zoe fell sound asleep fairly quickly (according to Mark, who took her and sent me to bed) and slept right on through until 8am. About that time she woke up hungry and I fed her and changed her diaper and she's been asleep on my chest for about 2 hours. Also, she totally reset my brain by smiling at me while I was talking to her and singing her the lullaby her daddy made up for her.

UPDATE: Note to self: Put nursing pads in the diaper bag and the car so when you overflow the ones you're wearing while you're out at a restaurant and notice a wet spot on your shirt you won't have to replace it with napkins and paper towel.

I have a natural tendency to post about the things that bug me. Like having a restricted diet and dealing with the crappy hard parts of breastfeeding. That's not what this post is about.

Right now I have an incredibly beautiful sleeping baby on my chest who is making happy, smiley faces in her sleep. This is what makes all the 2am feedings, the screaming diaper changes, and the walking the floors trying to find that one position that releases the painful gas bubble worthwhile.

It is easy to forget how long it took to get here now that we're in the thick of the hazing ritual for new parents. And just how much I wanted this. People keep telling us that it only gets better from here and deep down I know that this part of babyhood is fleeting and really just a small part of our lives. Hell, some day I'll probably look back on this time fondly. For now, we suck it up and go on one day (hell, some times one *hour*) at a time.

I'm incredibly thankful that both Zoe & I are healthy, we're getting back on track with breastfeeding (hard as it may be) to get her the immune system & nutritive benefits, and that we've had such an outpouring of support & love from all our family and friends. Last but not least, this little girl has the best Daddy ever. I don't know where I'd be without him.

I've finally caved and given up dairy. For 8 days. I've heard that you're supposed to give it up for anywhere between 3 days and 3 weeks. I'm splitting the difference and doing 8 days because it was recommended by the lactation consultant I've been seeing and because it is less likely to drive me completely batty.

We actually left Trader Joe's last night without any cow's milk. Normally there would be at least 2 gallons in the cart, along with cheese, cottage cheese, and yogurt. Mark is also giving up milk (at home anyway) in a stunning show of moral support. I picked up some goat's milk yogurt, goat cheese, soy cheese, and rice milk. I must already be getting delirious from dairy withdrawl because the rice milk was actually tolerable on cereal. Much more so than the almond milk (way too sweet with a funky aftertaste).

I've been perplexed by the number of foods that have dairy. Why the hell would chicken noodle cup-a-soup need dairy ingredients!?!? I have determined, however, that Scharffen Berger semi-sweet chocolate contains no actual dairy but was produced on the same machinery. I don't think we're gonna be that stringent so the moment this week is up, I'm getting me some chocolate to soothe the empty void left by giving up milk & everything with milk in it. Chocolate has been off the menu for over 2 weeks already, as has citrus, gassy (mostly cruciferous with onions and garlic thrown in) veggies, tomato sauce, and spices (I miss cinnamon the most). I've decided that (with the exception of caving to pasta with tomato sauce earlier this week) chocolate is gonna be the first item re-introduced into my diet.

The upside of all this is that I've hit a new weight low. I'm now down 36lbs from the height of pregnancy and down 10lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. All in less than 6 weeks. I'm pretty convinced that about half of my pregancy weight gain (most of what came on in the 3rd trimester) was fluid that was related to the preeclampsia. The rest has been the extra caloric demand of breastfeeding combined with the diminished caloric intake due to the restricted diet and tending the baby (aka forgetting to eat). It will probably stabilize as I can start adding foods back.

On the other side of things, Zoe has *gained* 3lbs in less than 6 weeks, which is definitely a good thing, and is becoming a chubby little baby. She is approaching 8lbs and is about 20in long. The killer is clothing right now, as she's still on the small side for the 0-3 month clothes but she's outgrown almost all of the preemie clothes. We've been conserving sleepers for outings (because of the carseat) and keeping her in onesies and swaddled while at home. We took this picture last night:

Also, Squeak has finally found a place to sleep that we don't kick her out of (unlike the co-sleeper, the pack & play, the car seat...)